Why The Self Sabotage Feels Necessary
I’ve been thinking a lot about the word “necessary.”
Because when I see my anxiety flare up…
When I catch myself in self-sabotage…
It’s almost always because it feels necessary.
But here’s what changed everything for me (and for so many of my clients):
We started to question it.
(This email may be longer than usual — and if you’re in a self-sabotaging pattern, I suggest reading to the end.)
Just because something feels necessary doesn’t mean it is.
This morning, I heard my brain whisper:
“You didn’t work hard enough this weekend, so now you have to double your workouts. You’ve lost muscle. Your arms are gross.”
“You’re not moving fast enough this morning — get it together.”
And I could feel how those thoughts were trying to motivate me.
They felt necessary for more motivation.
But when I paused… I saw it.
They weren’t actually helping.
They just made me feel behind.
Like I wasn’t enough.
And the truth is:
I don’t have to rush through my day.
I don’t have to punish my body to prove anything.
That voice in my head?
It sounded true, but it wasn’t.
It was just practiced. Familiar. Old programming.
And that’s what self-sabotage really is:
A practiced set of thoughts that feel necessary, but aren’t.
Here’s what I want you to try:
If you’re stuck in a pattern of self-sabotage (which almost always means doing something against your own will), I really want you to take a look at the thoughts making that choice feel “necessary.”
We think it’s necessary to:
Overeat after one off-plan meal
Skip the gym when we’re tired or disappointed
Stay quiet instead of setting a boundary
Say yes when we mean no
Hate our bodies to motivate ourselves
Beat ourselves up to avoid making the same mistake
Let others’ happiness come before what’s best for us
Numb out instead of feeling the hard stuff
But those aren’t random behaviors.
They feel necessary because your brain offers thoughts like:
“You already messed up. Might as well keep going.”
“You don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
“You can’t make them angry.”
“If you don’t push harder, you’ll fall behind.”
“You haven’t earned rest.”
“Resting means you’re lazy.”
“This is just how you are.”
But here’s the truth I want you to hear:
The thoughts that feel most true are often just the most practiced.
Transformation begins the moment you question them.
What if the opposite was actually necessary? (this is what I always found to be the REAL truth)
✨ Necessary to love yourself more
✨ Necessary to feel your feelings and rest when needed
✨ Necessary to stop choosing shame and start choosing compassion
✨ Necessary to love your body instead of punishing it
✨ Necessary to set the boundary or policy
That’s where everything changes —
When you stop following your brain blindly…
And start questioning.
If you’re stuck in a sabotage pattern right now, here’s your invitation:
Ask yourself:
“What is my brain saying is necessary right now?”
“What if the opposite was actually the truth?”
“What else could be true?”
Get curious. That’s where the shift begins.
And if you want support in questioning those thoughts, rewiring what feels true, and choosing a new way of being — I’m here.
This is the work I do every day.
It’s powerful. And it works.
Mini Coaching Intensive ($247) —a powerful one-on-one, two-hour deep dive designed to help you get unstuck and create real momentum in whatever area of your life or business you choose.
6 Month Custom Personal Coaching Package - this starts with a free 60 minute consult where we’ll look at where you are, where you wish you were, and I’ll share exactly what we would work on together to get you there, to the version of you who holds your goals and your dreams.
GET ON MY CALENDAR FOR A CONSULT HERE
Both options help move you forward…faster.
With all my love and belief in you.
Your Brain Lies to You Every Day
Your brain lies to you every single day—not to hurt you, but to keep you small. Those lies look different for everyone, but here’s the truth: when you stop listening and start doing what you actually want, success becomes inevitable.
Here’s the wild thing about your brain: it lies to you every single day.
Not because it’s cruel.
Not because it doesn’t want the best for you.
But because it’s wired for safety, not success.
And safety often looks like smallness.
The Sneaky Nature of the Lies
These lies don’t come wrapped in neon signs that say: “Don’t grow! Don’t change!”
No, they show up in sneaky, believable ways. They sound like:
“I’ll start tomorrow.”
“I’m too tired today.”
“I’m not ready yet.”
“What if I fail?”
“This is just who I am.”
And because they feel reasonable, you trust them.
The truth?
They’re not reasonable at all. They’re roadblocks disguised as logic.
Why Your Brain Does This
Your brain’s number one job is survival. Growth, expansion, going after big goals—those things feel risky.
So your brain offers you thoughts that keep you safe, small, and in the known.
But safe doesn’t equal fulfilled. And small doesn’t equal successful.
What Happens When You Stop Listening
Here’s the shift: success is inevitable when you stop listening to those lies and start leading your brain instead.
When you take action even when your brain whispers:
“Don’t post that, people might judge you.”
“You’ll never stick with this workout routine.”
“Better not try, it might not work.”
And instead, you say:
“I’ll post anyway.”
“I’ll show up for myself today.”
“I’m willing to see what’s possible.”
That’s when everything changes.
The Truth That Sets You Free
Your brain will always offer lies to keep you small.
But you don’t have to believe them.
When you choose to do the thing you actually want—not the thing that feels “safe”—your life can’t help but expand.
Because the real truth is this:
Your success isn’t about talent, luck, or timing.
It’s about whether or not you listen to your brain’s lies.
Success is inevitable when you don’t.
What Is Life Coaching
The other day, someone asked me, “What does a life coach actually do?” If you’ve ever wondered the same, this post is for you. I break down how coaching helps you stop spinning, get clear, and make powerful decisions in every area of your life—from food and body to business and relationships. It’s not therapy. It’s future-focused, empowering, and life-changing.
The other day I met someone who had never heard of a life coach before.
Totally understandable.
When I told them what I do, they looked a little confused.
And it made me think... maybe you’ve been getting these emails, reading my posts, liking them even, but still wondering:
“What exactly does she do?”
So let me break it down.
I’m a life coach.
That means I help you get from where you are now... to where you really want to be in your life.
I help you stop spinning, stop feeling stuck and start moving toward a life you are totally obsessed with.
Whether it’s your relationship with food, your body, a business, money, yourself, or you just want to feel better in life overall... I help you release the overwhelm and get back in the driver’s seat OF YOUR OWN LIFE!
There are so many ways we do this, through mindset tools, processing emotions, and really looking at your thoughts and beliefs, just to name a few.
And no... this isn’t therapy.
Therapy is great and very much has it's place but I’m not here to analyze and dig through your past.
I’m here to help you BELIEVE in and CREATE your future.
A life coach helps you with your indecision.
Honestly, that’s the number one thing I do…help you make powerful, grounded decisions.
Decisions about what you want.
How to move toward it.
And how to stop living on the fence in your own life.
On average, a person has between 50 to 100 open decisions floating around in their mind or "on their desk" at any given time, ranging from minor daily choices to major life decisions.
So, instead of spinning in:
“I don’t know what I want... I don’t know what to do... I don’t know how to get there...”
I help you get clear.
Clear on what you want.
Clear on what’s been keeping you stuck.
Clear on the kind of thoughts, feelings, and actions that will actually serve your future so you stop repeating the same patterns and start creating results you’re proud of.
Because nobody creates big results by living in “I don’t know", or constantly delaying decisions.
If you’re curious or want to know what this could look like for you, I offer a free consultation.
Just a conversation to see what’s really going on and if coaching is a fit for you.
Here’s the link to book:
Free Consult Calendar Link
Still not sure? Hit reply and ask me anything. I’m happy to talk it through.
PLUS—I’ll be sending another email later this week showing exactly how I’ve been helping clients and potential clients in real time, with real scenarios. So keep an eye out for that.
With all the love,
I’ll be in touch soon,
Allison