Walking Beside Julia: How Coaching Shaped Me as a Mom
Time with my daughter Julia looks nothing like I once imagined, and it is more precious because of it. From walking the dog to late night talks about dreams, failure, and phones, I see how the years of doing my own coaching work have changed the mom she has. Coaching has taught me how to lead with curiosity instead of fear, and that shift is shaping Julia’s ability to face challenges and grow in ways I never learned at her age.
Time with Julia looks nothing like I pictured it would. And yet, it is more precious than anything I could have imagined.
Some of our sweetest moments are the simple ones, like walking Harper together. Recently, with Mike out of town, I got to see my relationship with Julia in a new light. High school has brought a wave of new experiences, and it has been a front row seat to her becoming her own person.
I think back to when she was 5. That is when I hired my first coach, because I knew if I wanted to be the mom she needed, I had to change. At that time, I was a chronic worrier, full of fear, excuses, and self doubt. I had no idea how to handle rejection, disappointment, or my own emotions, and though I was an entrepreneur I kept playing really small and I knew that was not what I was meant for.
Fast forward to now. My mind still whispers that I am not good enough, but here is what I do know… I have become good at being a mom who
knows how to process her emotions instead of drowning in them,
speaks to herself with more kindness,
leads by example,
and shows up fully present.
Because of that, Julia is learning things I never knew at her age. She is learning how to process disappointment and embarrassment when auditions do not go as planned. She is learning that failure can be both hard and a teacher. Her volleyball team has not won a game yet, and she is learning to manage her focus, celebrate the small wins, and find the gains that are not defined on a scoreboard.
We talk about dreams. We laugh at our silly nicknames. We clash over phone restrictions and Snapchat. She tells me when she is mad, and I explain my fears and choices. I share my own embarrassments and failures. She sees my resilience.
And maybe most importantly, I can hold space for all of her feelings without making them mean something about me. Her emotions belong to her. Her mistakes are hers to grow from. My job is to stay curious, not accusatory.
This is what coaching has given me. It changed me, and because of that, it has shaped the mom Julia has. I am honored to be part of an industry that is helping humans show up in the way they want to instead of the patterns they never realized they learned, the ones that would have otherwise imprisoned them.
I will never stop being a student of my life as I grow and evolve, and I get to now watch my own daughter do the same. Even as she gets older I am still unwinding the generational patterns that I refuse to burden Julia with, and I trust it is all happening in divine timing even when I feel like I am failing. It is simply not true.
Why The Self Sabotage Feels Necessary
I’ve been thinking a lot about the word “necessary.”
Because when I see my anxiety flare up…
When I catch myself in self-sabotage…
It’s almost always because it feels necessary.
But here’s what changed everything for me (and for so many of my clients):
We started to question it.
(This email may be longer than usual — and if you’re in a self-sabotaging pattern, I suggest reading to the end.)
Just because something feels necessary doesn’t mean it is.
This morning, I heard my brain whisper:
“You didn’t work hard enough this weekend, so now you have to double your workouts. You’ve lost muscle. Your arms are gross.”
“You’re not moving fast enough this morning — get it together.”
And I could feel how those thoughts were trying to motivate me.
They felt necessary for more motivation.
But when I paused… I saw it.
They weren’t actually helping.
They just made me feel behind.
Like I wasn’t enough.
And the truth is:
I don’t have to rush through my day.
I don’t have to punish my body to prove anything.
That voice in my head?
It sounded true, but it wasn’t.
It was just practiced. Familiar. Old programming.
And that’s what self-sabotage really is:
A practiced set of thoughts that feel necessary, but aren’t.
Here’s what I want you to try:
If you’re stuck in a pattern of self-sabotage (which almost always means doing something against your own will), I really want you to take a look at the thoughts making that choice feel “necessary.”
We think it’s necessary to:
Overeat after one off-plan meal
Skip the gym when we’re tired or disappointed
Stay quiet instead of setting a boundary
Say yes when we mean no
Hate our bodies to motivate ourselves
Beat ourselves up to avoid making the same mistake
Let others’ happiness come before what’s best for us
Numb out instead of feeling the hard stuff
But those aren’t random behaviors.
They feel necessary because your brain offers thoughts like:
“You already messed up. Might as well keep going.”
“You don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
“You can’t make them angry.”
“If you don’t push harder, you’ll fall behind.”
“You haven’t earned rest.”
“Resting means you’re lazy.”
“This is just how you are.”
But here’s the truth I want you to hear:
The thoughts that feel most true are often just the most practiced.
Transformation begins the moment you question them.
What if the opposite was actually necessary? (this is what I always found to be the REAL truth)
✨ Necessary to love yourself more
✨ Necessary to feel your feelings and rest when needed
✨ Necessary to stop choosing shame and start choosing compassion
✨ Necessary to love your body instead of punishing it
✨ Necessary to set the boundary or policy
That’s where everything changes —
When you stop following your brain blindly…
And start questioning.
If you’re stuck in a sabotage pattern right now, here’s your invitation:
Ask yourself:
“What is my brain saying is necessary right now?”
“What if the opposite was actually the truth?”
“What else could be true?”
Get curious. That’s where the shift begins.
And if you want support in questioning those thoughts, rewiring what feels true, and choosing a new way of being — I’m here.
This is the work I do every day.
It’s powerful. And it works.
Mini Coaching Intensive ($247) —a powerful one-on-one, two-hour deep dive designed to help you get unstuck and create real momentum in whatever area of your life or business you choose.
6 Month Custom Personal Coaching Package - this starts with a free 60 minute consult where we’ll look at where you are, where you wish you were, and I’ll share exactly what we would work on together to get you there, to the version of you who holds your goals and your dreams.
GET ON MY CALENDAR FOR A CONSULT HERE
Both options help move you forward…faster.
With all my love and belief in you.
worry vs. concern
Hello again, friends!
How many things have you worried about in your life?
How many things have you worried about today?
Worry is ruminative speculation of what will go wrong. An anticipation of worst case scenarios and basically a form of self torment.
Very much a "what if" type of thinking.
Sometimes things genuinely need our attention and so that is where we can choose concern over worry.
Concern is a calculated rational assessment of the actual potential problem. Concern is more fact based and is very much constructive.
Would you rather deal with facts? Or fiction?
When we come from a place of concern vs worry we can think clearer.
Worry is fixating on a pain in the body and says "What if I have a terminal illness?..."...which just leads to panic.
Concern is "If I continue to feel this way I will make an appointment with a doctor."
Concern leads to problem solving.
Worry is living in the future (which isn't possible) and is just a habit.
Wait...I will say that one again.
Worry is just a habit. That is all.
Because the unknown is so uncomfortable we come up with worse case scenarios in our head to create the illusion of control of our future. But, it doesn't prepare us. It just diminishes our ability to handle situations.
Concern is living in the present with action taking. It is a normal reaction to a problem or challenge.
Worry comes from lack of faith and makes us retreat.
Concern comes from confidence and faith in ourselves and creates action.
Ask yourself "Do these thoughts serve me and my situation or do they just hurt me?"
We will never eliminate bad things from happening. But we can eliminate needless rumination that brings negativity and panic into our lives.
Remember worry is a habit. If you find yourself in rumination just pause. And choose again.
My clients are learning how to recognize and stop the ruminating thoughts in their tracks.
I help my clients feel better. That is what I do.
Keep going and expect miracles, are you worried?
-Allison
The belief lid.
Picture a collection of fleas in a glass jar.
These tiny creatures, driven by their instinct to leap to extraordinary heights – up to a staggering 100 times their own weight, soaring as high as 20 centimeters – would naturally surpass the confines of the jar.
But then, a lid is firmly placed on top of the jar. Unfazed by this obstacle, the fleas, driven by their innate nature, now pound against the lid, only to be constricted by the lid and plummet back to the bottom.
Happy September, Y'all!
My business coach once told us this next story. She referenced it many times saying it was done by a scientist. Full disclosure: as I researched for this newsletter, I searched the web for statistics but found little about the actual study.
BUT, I literally believe whatever any of my coaches have told me. None of them have ever steered me wrong so now I offer it to you....
Picture a collection of fleas in a glass jar.
These tiny creatures, driven by their instinct to leap to extraordinary heights – up to a staggering 100 times their own weight, soaring as high as 20 centimeters – would naturally surpass the confines of the jar.
But then, a lid is firmly placed on top of the jar. Unfazed by this obstacle, the fleas, driven by their innate nature, now pound against the lid, only to be constricted by the lid and plummet back to the bottom.
Over time, they start to jump a bit lower, instinctively avoiding the painful collision with the lid. Eventually, they cease hitting the lid altogether.
Fast forward as they are untouched for three days, the lid is removed, and you won't believe what happens. The fleas, having learned the safe maximum height they can reach without injury, never again attempting to leap out of the jar.
Never again.
What's even more fascinating is that their offspring perpetuate this behavior indefinitely. The new standard of leaping height becomes ingrained and passed down from generation to generation. These fleas, in essence, have conditioned themselves to jump lower, convinced that anything higher is impossible, even when the opportunity is there.
Now, you might think, "What relevance does it have for us humans?"
Here's the twist...we humans possess an unparalleled advantage in the animal kingdom: our capacity for rational thought. Yet this is directly connected to our setbacks.
We are creatures of reason. Our beautiful brains are woven with intricate thought processes, ideas, and analytical capabilities combined with thought associations, memories and experiences. What we see in our surroundings, the people we interact with, the knowledge we acquire, all combine to shape our perception of our reality.
In essence, the environment we grow up in and live within molds our identity and influences our thought patterns or beliefs.
What paradigms have you created as a result of the setbacks you've encountered? What do YOU believe is your true capability? The ability to shape the life you aspire to lies within your grasp, but it is absolutely born in your mind first. Adversity is inevitable, but if you refuse to let these challenges dictate how you see your world, viewing them as temporary obstacles rather than permanent barriers, you'll be amazed at what you can really accomplish.
I ask you...where or what is your belief lid?
Expect miracles friends and jump a little higher,